The Election

To say that this election has brought out the best and worst in people is an understatement.  I'll be glad when it's over.  I do have to say, that although I post political articles at times, I can't remember ever insinuating that anyone who didn't have my opinions or was voting for someone that I thought  shouldn't be elected, was a racist, homophobic, women hating sub-human with no education. I hadn't realized several of my friends thought so little of me as a human being.

And inasmuch as I can't see how people can vote for someone, who in my opinion cannot be trusted with our country, I don't feel you are a drooling idiot who needs to be shamed and put in their place. I don't feel the need to label you.  Stop with the fucking labels already.

I was a democrat all my life, voted for Bill Clinton twice.  It was during his second term that I realized that the Democrats were not, in my mind, who they purported to be.  So I decided to do some homework and did all I could to educate myself on the parties, their records and what they cared for and how they went about running the country.

Do I love everything about the Republican party? Nope.  I don't know how anyone can agree with a President, party, or left or right all of the time and on everything.  But I needed to make a decision on the overall pluses and minuses; which I did.

I believe in my heart of hearts the the Clintons are very corrupt.  I don't believe that Hillary Clinton could tell the truth if her life depended on it and I honestly don't believe she gives a shit about anyone but herself.  Do I like everything about Donald Trump.  Nope.  But again, I believe he can make our country strong and proud again.  I believe we need borders.  I believe if you love America enough you will come in legally; just as our ancestors did through Ellis Island.

This does not make me a piece of white trash who never got out of the 4th grade and is a christian nut job.

My opinions, my thoughts and that's that.  So, with the election just a few days away, so many friends have laid claim to knowing what is best for our country and for me, To my face I have been lectured on "how could you, I know you and your family, you are good people. Let me tell you where you are wrong"  And if you dare to disagree with them, social media at its finest.  Trash, bash and label all who oppose you.  The media does it, the candidates do it; just didn't expect friends to.

I have thick skin, I guess I'm just disappointed in that when someone says to me that the are for diversity, being one's own self and not to be judged it only means if you agree with them.

Are their people like that on both sides; absolutely.  But this is my blog and I'm just speaking about my experience.

And for all of you who are "moving out of the country" if Trump is elected; I'll bet if celebrities said that when Obama was running they would be labeled racist.

It amazes me that if you don't like Hillary Clinton or didn't like Obama, you must hate women and blacks.  Jesus Christ; isn't it racist to vote simply for a color or genitalia type?

I don't care what sex or color our president has or is.  I want them to be the best for us, AMERICA.

Anyway, rant is over.  Just had to vent after reading just another post in which all people supporting Trump are stupid idiots who hate everyone.

Please get out and vote on Tuesday

Turning 60

Yes, I know, the alternative is to wake up dead.  I don't want that, trust me.  But 60....... My mom was 60 once.  I also know it's just a number.  But it's my number; well almost. Tomorrow I turn the big 60. I have informed my family I don't want a party.  If I could sleep all day I would. Bury my head under the covers and maybe it would go away.

Matt and I will go to dinner and I'll ask him to avoid the topic, then I'll talk about it the entire meal.  I know I'm being silly, immature really; and I know I'll be fine the day after.  It's just.........

SIXTY....  For fucks sake, that's a large number.

I was very excited about 50.  That's when I thought I would wake up thin, blonde and tan; oh and have sex all the time because when you are 50, you can't get pregnant, your kids are grown and gone and, well, that's what women do whey they turn 50.  They romp.  It was all a lie, I didn't romp.  My mind does wander and fantasize just a bit.  But, nonetheless, I was very excited about 50.

But once again I say, 60!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't feel 60, not sure if I look it or not.  Staying chubby has lessened my wrinkles for sure so that helps.. Hopefully I have inherited longevity genes from my parents.  Bacon helps also, so does red wine, and butter, in my mind anyway.    But I digress.

In my youth I had envisioned my 60's very differently than they are now.  The fantasy:  Long silver hair flowing in the ocean breeze, walking on an island beach in my bathing suit, subtle cover up on; hand in hand with my husband.  The facts:  Thighs rubbing together, hair frizzing and our fingers too swollen from the Caribbean sun to hold hands comfortably.... But again, I digress, yet again.

I am determined to charge ahead, full speed to accomplish the things that I lay awake and fantasize about.  Take the weight off that I put  forever ago and that I HATE, finish my second book and actually find an agent to take me on as a client.  I'm determined to love what I see looking back at me in the mirror.  Not just my insides, but also the outside.  And cook a goddamn piece of fish correctly.

The list goes on and on.

That's it. My age related mini pity party is now over.

I will wake up tomorrow, happy to be alive and grateful for all I have in my life.  My family, my friends, my puppies and my health.

Happy birthday fellow Taurians.  Life is good...

My name is Richard

I don't know how long I've been living in this black hole.  I don't know what happened or why this happened to me, but I know that I've been in this dark space for some time now. I hear people talking but it makes no sense to me.  I try to form words but am at a loss most of the time as to how to answer or even what words to use.  I know what I'm saying but I can tell by the faces of my loved ones that they do not.

Loved ones; I know these people love me by the way their hand's stroke my forehead, by the way they feed me my meals with a kindness that can only come from a loved one.  I want to thank them, to hug them, to speak to them and let them know that their love is returned; but it doesn't come out. I want to walk and get up but I've forgotten how.

My life as I once knew it is gone.  I have no sense of where I am but I know it's not home. My mind, or what's left of it, comes and goes.  I have split-second moments of being aware of who is with me; and then it's gone.  

I had a wife once.  She had been long forgotten by me, but now, I search for her and can't understand why I can't find her.  I think I see her but yet, she isn't by my side.  I think I miss her, but again, I'm not sure.  I don't think I'm sure of anything anymore.

Once, a long time ago I was a strong, hard-working man; husband, father and friend. What am I now?  The shell of what used to be.  I exist but I do not live.  My day consists of being bathed, changed, fed; everything that I used to do on my own is now done for me. My mind won't let me do anything. My body is shutting down.  I am completely dependent on others for even the simplest of tasks.  

I believe if my mind would let me, I would be utterly humiliated by all this; but my mind is know where to be found.  Words don't come, thoughts don't make sense and the faces of those who smile down at me aren't familiar.  I know they belong to me but I have no idea who they are.

This life is not something that I would have chosen for me.  Those little slices of thought that I can grab onto are heartbreaking.  There is only one thing that I do know, and whenever I'm asked I can answer.  Just that one question, nothing more.  

My name is Richard.  

For this I do know................