Who is this stranger that I see in my mirror?
The face I see in the mirror, can that be me; really, is it possible. Where once I saw crystal clear eyes that showed excitement and wonder at every turn, I now see tired and weary eyes looking back. I see graying hair where once I saw only blond curls blowing everywhere. I see my face, once cute and firm, now dreary and weather worn; sagging cheeks and neck.
I see my hands, that once were trim and fit, always working; still always working but wrinkled and old. I see my body, once attractive, fit and tanned. Now I see sagging skin that once was taut, I see rolls where firmness once was. I see my breasts, the ones I feed our children with, now sagging to a degree that I never would have imagined.
Where did I go?
So now, that I am aging and not the beauty of my youth, am I no longer exciting, no longer mysterious to you? Maybe not; but my mind is still young, my heart is still young. Do you no longer cherish me, want me or desire me? Don't see my weary eyes, see the sparkle that is still there just waiting to be touched. Don't see my lack of energy as lack of passion, it's there just waiting to be rediscovered.
See me....
Sunday, September 3, 2017
Wednesday, August 23, 2017
Letter to my husband
For an obscure, unknown writer as myself, I seem to have a global following. I get emails every week, mostly from women, who want me to tell their story. These women are from all over the world, all ages, yet they seem to have the same story so many times.
The request that I get most is about husbands, lost love and passion. So, I have decided to dedicate this blog to all the women who have reached out to me, told me their personal tales of sadness, happiness and hope. They have shared with me intimate details of their lives and for that I dedicate this blog. I hope you find some solace in knowing you are not alone and there is hope.
I have commingled their stories into this blog.
Marriage, most likely one of the most difficult endeavors anyone can take on can be fulfilling, heartbreaking and everything else under the sun. To say it's hard is an understatement. Is it doable? I guess that depends on who you ask, or when in their life or marriage you ask them.
With that said, and after talking to so many women about their marriages, ( I have that face that people trust and talk to, and an email address, and I love it), ups and downs and raw heartbreak, I have decided to write a letter to my husband, meaning all husbands, as it very easily could be any of us who share theses emotions, feelings and loss that have been so painfully shared with me over the last months. This is not my story, this is your story that you have so gratiously shared with me.
And yes, it could be a blog Dear Wife, but since I am a wife and I have a husband and have spoken to many wives either in word or email, it is Dear Husband. If I have offended anyone, get a life, realize the world does not revolve around you and see the world as it really is.
Dear husband:
Can I still call you husband? In reality we have been more like roommates for what seems like forever. A hug, a peck on the cheek, a glance when we walk in the door. Dinner with pleasant conversation only to part ways in the hallway at bed time. You to your room and me to mine. Always pleasant, always an I love you; but it seems routine, almost like a recording. There is no emotion there.
You with your internet or TV, me with with tears and TV, longing for something more and not having any idea how to find it.
Do we mean it, are we sincere in our "I love yous"? I hope so, but who knows..
Years come and go, time passes all to quickly. We raise our children with all that goes with that. We grow older, problems come and go. Passions wain and we seem to seek excitement anywhere but home. How could we let this happen? Where did we get so lost that our thoughts turned to the outside instead of towards each other. What happened to the young lovers who swore their allegiance to one and other regardless of the problems they faced? Did we become so self absorbed that we forgot the person we made our vows too? Are we so selfish that we forsook our partner for our own passions and needs?
When times get tough why do we escape anywhere but home, where it should be the safest and most loving?
Is it because it's to hard to face our innermost demons, to hard to admit our shortcomings, failures and fears? Don't you know that I am going through the same fears, insecurities as you? That my longing for basic intimacy and communication is just as strong?
Your sexual ability to make love to me traditionally disappears due to illness so you turn outwards to strangers not realizing the worth of a husband is not the length and girth of his manhood.
For me, your wife, I have suffered through my own devastating sexual issues. Painful intercourse after menopause, body changing and sagging, just cementing my self of body loathing and lack of self confidence even more, along with your distance. All this only intensifies my feelings of inadequacy as a woman, your partner, your wife.
Both sides insecure and both sides handling it so differently.
Your sleeping in the other room so you won't disturb me with your sleeplessness went from a week to years. Again, only solidifying that as an older woman, I can no longer please you. I am no longer what you desire, no longer attractive to you; even though you yourself have aged in body and mind as well. Why is it so different for a man? Is it only the woman who needs to stay sexy, alive and vibrant?
You want a sexy wife; when is the last time you put on an outfit for her to lust after. Our society has made it so important for the wife to be slim, perky and always in attire to stimulate their man. What about you? Where does your responsibility lie? It shouldn't be about facades, it is so much deeper and more intimate then that. Years of working together, crying, laughing and just wanting the pain to end but enduring because your love is so strong. Sagging, wrinkling, and aging is a sign of survival, nothing more.
But as you pull away because of your pride at not being able to fuck your wife for five hours, you neglected to see I changed too. I can no longer handle the pain or traditional sex, yet I still yearn for your touch, sex in any other way than intercourse. But you are conditioned from an early age that if you don't have a hard, huge penis, you can't please your woman. How far from the truth is that? Miles and miles and miles. So you search the internet for the nameless while I crave your familiar touch.
So in all this loneliness does one of you cross the line, go for it because you just can't see what is in front of you? You bite that forbidden fruit, literally or figuratively. You go anywhere where you think you will be loved. Anywhere but home.
Are you so blind that you can't see the love you are looking for is waiting for you. The excitement you think you lost, yet found outside is an impostor, a charlatan only looking out for themselves, not caring about you, just stroking their own ego; is this who you seek? They could not care less about you or your life, your feelings, your past or your dreams. An illusion to stroke their ego all the while lying to you while you lie to me.
Foolish person. Open your eyes. He/She is right in front of you. Show love, compassion, kindness and understanding and it will come back. The passion is there, it just got so lost and distorted we lost track of it.
Both of us, find it, nurture it and never let an outsider tell us our business or set inside our boundaries again. Because they are just that, outsiders that we have a false impression of. An illusion of the past, a more innocent time we all crave. Don't you think I crave that as well. Do you think I am content with life as it is? A room mate, dinner companion and travel partner... But it's important to remember why that outsider became outsiders to begin with.
You fell in love with me for a reason, remember what it was, and I you. We need to work for it, do our share and more. We can't let pride or ego get in our way.
So dear husband, learn from this, grow with me; realize my pain when I have it and understand why I have it as I will you. Don't turn away because it is hard, turn towards me because it is where you belong and where we will find true happiness.
Love
Your wife
The request that I get most is about husbands, lost love and passion. So, I have decided to dedicate this blog to all the women who have reached out to me, told me their personal tales of sadness, happiness and hope. They have shared with me intimate details of their lives and for that I dedicate this blog. I hope you find some solace in knowing you are not alone and there is hope.
I have commingled their stories into this blog.
Marriage, most likely one of the most difficult endeavors anyone can take on can be fulfilling, heartbreaking and everything else under the sun. To say it's hard is an understatement. Is it doable? I guess that depends on who you ask, or when in their life or marriage you ask them.
With that said, and after talking to so many women about their marriages, ( I have that face that people trust and talk to, and an email address, and I love it), ups and downs and raw heartbreak, I have decided to write a letter to my husband, meaning all husbands, as it very easily could be any of us who share theses emotions, feelings and loss that have been so painfully shared with me over the last months. This is not my story, this is your story that you have so gratiously shared with me.
And yes, it could be a blog Dear Wife, but since I am a wife and I have a husband and have spoken to many wives either in word or email, it is Dear Husband. If I have offended anyone, get a life, realize the world does not revolve around you and see the world as it really is.
Dear husband:
Can I still call you husband? In reality we have been more like roommates for what seems like forever. A hug, a peck on the cheek, a glance when we walk in the door. Dinner with pleasant conversation only to part ways in the hallway at bed time. You to your room and me to mine. Always pleasant, always an I love you; but it seems routine, almost like a recording. There is no emotion there.
You with your internet or TV, me with with tears and TV, longing for something more and not having any idea how to find it.
Do we mean it, are we sincere in our "I love yous"? I hope so, but who knows..
Years come and go, time passes all to quickly. We raise our children with all that goes with that. We grow older, problems come and go. Passions wain and we seem to seek excitement anywhere but home. How could we let this happen? Where did we get so lost that our thoughts turned to the outside instead of towards each other. What happened to the young lovers who swore their allegiance to one and other regardless of the problems they faced? Did we become so self absorbed that we forgot the person we made our vows too? Are we so selfish that we forsook our partner for our own passions and needs?
When times get tough why do we escape anywhere but home, where it should be the safest and most loving?
Is it because it's to hard to face our innermost demons, to hard to admit our shortcomings, failures and fears? Don't you know that I am going through the same fears, insecurities as you? That my longing for basic intimacy and communication is just as strong?
Your sexual ability to make love to me traditionally disappears due to illness so you turn outwards to strangers not realizing the worth of a husband is not the length and girth of his manhood.
For me, your wife, I have suffered through my own devastating sexual issues. Painful intercourse after menopause, body changing and sagging, just cementing my self of body loathing and lack of self confidence even more, along with your distance. All this only intensifies my feelings of inadequacy as a woman, your partner, your wife.
Both sides insecure and both sides handling it so differently.
Your sleeping in the other room so you won't disturb me with your sleeplessness went from a week to years. Again, only solidifying that as an older woman, I can no longer please you. I am no longer what you desire, no longer attractive to you; even though you yourself have aged in body and mind as well. Why is it so different for a man? Is it only the woman who needs to stay sexy, alive and vibrant?
You want a sexy wife; when is the last time you put on an outfit for her to lust after. Our society has made it so important for the wife to be slim, perky and always in attire to stimulate their man. What about you? Where does your responsibility lie? It shouldn't be about facades, it is so much deeper and more intimate then that. Years of working together, crying, laughing and just wanting the pain to end but enduring because your love is so strong. Sagging, wrinkling, and aging is a sign of survival, nothing more.
But as you pull away because of your pride at not being able to fuck your wife for five hours, you neglected to see I changed too. I can no longer handle the pain or traditional sex, yet I still yearn for your touch, sex in any other way than intercourse. But you are conditioned from an early age that if you don't have a hard, huge penis, you can't please your woman. How far from the truth is that? Miles and miles and miles. So you search the internet for the nameless while I crave your familiar touch.
So in all this loneliness does one of you cross the line, go for it because you just can't see what is in front of you? You bite that forbidden fruit, literally or figuratively. You go anywhere where you think you will be loved. Anywhere but home.
Are you so blind that you can't see the love you are looking for is waiting for you. The excitement you think you lost, yet found outside is an impostor, a charlatan only looking out for themselves, not caring about you, just stroking their own ego; is this who you seek? They could not care less about you or your life, your feelings, your past or your dreams. An illusion to stroke their ego all the while lying to you while you lie to me.
Foolish person. Open your eyes. He/She is right in front of you. Show love, compassion, kindness and understanding and it will come back. The passion is there, it just got so lost and distorted we lost track of it.
Both of us, find it, nurture it and never let an outsider tell us our business or set inside our boundaries again. Because they are just that, outsiders that we have a false impression of. An illusion of the past, a more innocent time we all crave. Don't you think I crave that as well. Do you think I am content with life as it is? A room mate, dinner companion and travel partner... But it's important to remember why that outsider became outsiders to begin with.
You fell in love with me for a reason, remember what it was, and I you. We need to work for it, do our share and more. We can't let pride or ego get in our way.
So dear husband, learn from this, grow with me; realize my pain when I have it and understand why I have it as I will you. Don't turn away because it is hard, turn towards me because it is where you belong and where we will find true happiness.
Love
Your wife
Sunday, June 4, 2017
Emotions
What do you do when there is nothing to do? When a situation arises where all you can do is wait, be patient, and of course worry. It's agony. That's the only word to use.
But what if this waiting game wasn't yours personally, but a loved one? You are not personally going through the physical or mental drama but yet you are, and you wish it were you, not them.
Do you hover, hound, pester and continually ask how are you, you ok, can I do anything? How do you know how long to wait before you ask again or call or text with a random question, just to touch base?
And how, now do you tell that person just how much you love them and need them without making it sound dramatic or anticlimactic, or selfish or too emotional? Things that should have been said all along yet maybe understood without words all along. But can, you be sure? Are you ever sure?
How do you articulate to someone that although you might not have always agreed with the method of an action, you always knew the right decision had been made, that you never once doubted the end result, ever; just the execution or the feeling of being pushed away; not needed. How do you burden someone with your insecurities when they themselves are dealing with more than anyone should. You don't.
Is there ever a way to say what you feel during stressful times without tears or sadness? I don't know, but I doubt there is, for me anyway. And maybe, just maybe, there should be tears. Tears don't mean weaknesses; they show passion and caring.
So, in the end you wait, you love, and you pray.
Really, what else is there to do?
But what if this waiting game wasn't yours personally, but a loved one? You are not personally going through the physical or mental drama but yet you are, and you wish it were you, not them.
Do you hover, hound, pester and continually ask how are you, you ok, can I do anything? How do you know how long to wait before you ask again or call or text with a random question, just to touch base?
And how, now do you tell that person just how much you love them and need them without making it sound dramatic or anticlimactic, or selfish or too emotional? Things that should have been said all along yet maybe understood without words all along. But can, you be sure? Are you ever sure?
How do you articulate to someone that although you might not have always agreed with the method of an action, you always knew the right decision had been made, that you never once doubted the end result, ever; just the execution or the feeling of being pushed away; not needed. How do you burden someone with your insecurities when they themselves are dealing with more than anyone should. You don't.
Is there ever a way to say what you feel during stressful times without tears or sadness? I don't know, but I doubt there is, for me anyway. And maybe, just maybe, there should be tears. Tears don't mean weaknesses; they show passion and caring.
So, in the end you wait, you love, and you pray.
Really, what else is there to do?
Sunday, November 6, 2016
The Election
To say that this election has brought out the best and worst in people is an understatement. I'll be glad when it's over. I do have to say, that although I post political articles at times, I can't remember ever insinuating that anyone who didn't have my opinions or was voting for someone that I thought shouldn't be elected, was a racist, homophobic, women hating sub-human with no education. I hadn't realized several of my friends thought so little of me as a human being.
And inasmuch as I can't see how people can vote for someone, who in my opinion cannot be trusted with our country, I don't feel you are a drooling idiot who needs to be shamed and put in their place. I don't feel the need to label you. Stop with the fucking labels already.
I was a democrat all my life, voted for Bill Clinton twice. It was during his second term that I realized that the Democrats were not, in my mind, who they purported to be. So I decided to do some homework and did all I could to educate myself on the parties, their records and what they cared for and how they went about running the country.
Do I love everything about the Republican party? Nope. I don't know how anyone can agree with a President, party, or left or right all of the time and on everything. But I needed to make a decision on the overall pluses and minuses; which I did.
I believe in my heart of hearts the the Clintons are very corrupt. I don't believe that Hillary Clinton could tell the truth if her life depended on it and I honestly don't believe she gives a shit about anyone but herself. Do I like everything about Donald Trump. Nope. But again, I believe he can make our country strong and proud again. I believe we need borders. I believe if you love America enough you will come in legally; just as our ancestors did through Ellis Island.
This does not make me a piece of white trash who never got out of the 4th grade and is a christian nut job.
My opinions, my thoughts and that's that. So, with the election just a few days away, so many friends have laid claim to knowing what is best for our country and for me, To my face I have been lectured on "how could you, I know you and your family, you are good people. Let me tell you where you are wrong" And if you dare to disagree with them, social media at its finest. Trash, bash and label all who oppose you. The media does it, the candidates do it; just didn't expect friends to.
I have thick skin, I guess I'm just disappointed in that when someone says to me that the are for diversity, being one's own self and not to be judged it only means if you agree with them.
Are their people like that on both sides; absolutely. But this is my blog and I'm just speaking about my experience.
And for all of you who are "moving out of the country" if Trump is elected; I'll bet if celebrities said that when Obama was running they would be labeled racist.
It amazes me that if you don't like Hillary Clinton or didn't like Obama, you must hate women and blacks. Jesus Christ; isn't it racist to vote simply for a color or genitalia type?
I don't care what sex or color our president has or is. I want them to be the best for us, AMERICA.
Anyway, rant is over. Just had to vent after reading just another post in which all people supporting Trump are stupid idiots who hate everyone.
Please get out and vote on Tuesday
And inasmuch as I can't see how people can vote for someone, who in my opinion cannot be trusted with our country, I don't feel you are a drooling idiot who needs to be shamed and put in their place. I don't feel the need to label you. Stop with the fucking labels already.
I was a democrat all my life, voted for Bill Clinton twice. It was during his second term that I realized that the Democrats were not, in my mind, who they purported to be. So I decided to do some homework and did all I could to educate myself on the parties, their records and what they cared for and how they went about running the country.
Do I love everything about the Republican party? Nope. I don't know how anyone can agree with a President, party, or left or right all of the time and on everything. But I needed to make a decision on the overall pluses and minuses; which I did.
I believe in my heart of hearts the the Clintons are very corrupt. I don't believe that Hillary Clinton could tell the truth if her life depended on it and I honestly don't believe she gives a shit about anyone but herself. Do I like everything about Donald Trump. Nope. But again, I believe he can make our country strong and proud again. I believe we need borders. I believe if you love America enough you will come in legally; just as our ancestors did through Ellis Island.
This does not make me a piece of white trash who never got out of the 4th grade and is a christian nut job.
My opinions, my thoughts and that's that. So, with the election just a few days away, so many friends have laid claim to knowing what is best for our country and for me, To my face I have been lectured on "how could you, I know you and your family, you are good people. Let me tell you where you are wrong" And if you dare to disagree with them, social media at its finest. Trash, bash and label all who oppose you. The media does it, the candidates do it; just didn't expect friends to.
I have thick skin, I guess I'm just disappointed in that when someone says to me that the are for diversity, being one's own self and not to be judged it only means if you agree with them.
Are their people like that on both sides; absolutely. But this is my blog and I'm just speaking about my experience.
And for all of you who are "moving out of the country" if Trump is elected; I'll bet if celebrities said that when Obama was running they would be labeled racist.
It amazes me that if you don't like Hillary Clinton or didn't like Obama, you must hate women and blacks. Jesus Christ; isn't it racist to vote simply for a color or genitalia type?
I don't care what sex or color our president has or is. I want them to be the best for us, AMERICA.
Anyway, rant is over. Just had to vent after reading just another post in which all people supporting Trump are stupid idiots who hate everyone.
Please get out and vote on Tuesday
Monday, May 16, 2016
Turning 60
Yes, I know, the alternative is to wake up dead. I don't want that, trust me. But 60....... My mom was 60 once. I also know it's just a number. But it's my number; well almost. Tomorrow I turn the big 60. I have informed my family I don't want a party. If I could sleep all day I would. Bury my head under the covers and maybe it would go away.
Matt and I will go to dinner and I'll ask him to avoid the topic, then I'll talk about it the entire meal. I know I'm being silly, immature really; and I know I'll be fine the day after. It's just.........
SIXTY.... For fucks sake, that's a large number.
I was very excited about 50. That's when I thought I would wake up thin, blonde and tan; oh and have sex all the time because when you are 50, you can't get pregnant, your kids are grown and gone and, well, that's what women do whey they turn 50. They romp. It was all a lie, I didn't romp. My mind does wander and fantasize just a bit. But, nonetheless, I was very excited about 50.
But once again I say, 60!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't feel 60, not sure if I look it or not. Staying chubby has lessened my wrinkles for sure so that helps.. Hopefully I have inherited longevity genes from my parents. Bacon helps also, so does red wine, and butter, in my mind anyway. But I digress.
In my youth I had envisioned my 60's very differently than they are now. The fantasy: Long silver hair flowing in the ocean breeze, walking on an island beach in my bathing suit, subtle cover up on; hand in hand with my husband. The facts: Thighs rubbing together, hair frizzing and our fingers too swollen from the Caribbean sun to hold hands comfortably.... But again, I digress, yet again.
I am determined to charge ahead, full speed to accomplish the things that I lay awake and fantasize about. Take the weight off that I put forever ago and that I HATE, finish my second book and actually find an agent to take me on as a client. I'm determined to love what I see looking back at me in the mirror. Not just my insides, but also the outside. And cook a goddamn piece of fish correctly.
The list goes on and on.
That's it. My age related mini pity party is now over.
I will wake up tomorrow, happy to be alive and grateful for all I have in my life. My family, my friends, my puppies and my health.
Happy birthday fellow Taurians. Life is good...
Matt and I will go to dinner and I'll ask him to avoid the topic, then I'll talk about it the entire meal. I know I'm being silly, immature really; and I know I'll be fine the day after. It's just.........
SIXTY.... For fucks sake, that's a large number.
I was very excited about 50. That's when I thought I would wake up thin, blonde and tan; oh and have sex all the time because when you are 50, you can't get pregnant, your kids are grown and gone and, well, that's what women do whey they turn 50. They romp. It was all a lie, I didn't romp. My mind does wander and fantasize just a bit. But, nonetheless, I was very excited about 50.
But once again I say, 60!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't feel 60, not sure if I look it or not. Staying chubby has lessened my wrinkles for sure so that helps.. Hopefully I have inherited longevity genes from my parents. Bacon helps also, so does red wine, and butter, in my mind anyway. But I digress.
In my youth I had envisioned my 60's very differently than they are now. The fantasy: Long silver hair flowing in the ocean breeze, walking on an island beach in my bathing suit, subtle cover up on; hand in hand with my husband. The facts: Thighs rubbing together, hair frizzing and our fingers too swollen from the Caribbean sun to hold hands comfortably.... But again, I digress, yet again.
I am determined to charge ahead, full speed to accomplish the things that I lay awake and fantasize about. Take the weight off that I put forever ago and that I HATE, finish my second book and actually find an agent to take me on as a client. I'm determined to love what I see looking back at me in the mirror. Not just my insides, but also the outside. And cook a goddamn piece of fish correctly.
The list goes on and on.
That's it. My age related mini pity party is now over.
I will wake up tomorrow, happy to be alive and grateful for all I have in my life. My family, my friends, my puppies and my health.
Happy birthday fellow Taurians. Life is good...
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
My name is Richard
I don't know how long I've been living in this black hole. I
don't know what happened or why this happened to me, but I know that I've been
in this dark space for some time now. I hear people talking but it makes
no sense to me. I try to form words but am at a loss most of the time as
to how to answer or even what words to use. I know what I'm saying but I
can tell by the faces of my loved ones that they do not.
Loved ones; I know these people love me by
the way their hand's stroke my forehead, by the way they feed me my meals with
a kindness that can only come from a loved one. I want to thank them, to
hug them, to speak to them and let them know that their love is returned; but
it doesn't come out. I want to walk and get up but I've forgotten how.
My life as I once knew it is gone. I
have no sense of where I am but I know it's not home. My mind, or what's
left of it, comes and goes. I have split-second moments of being aware of
who is with me; and then it's gone.
I had a wife once. She had been long
forgotten by me, but now, I search for her and can't understand why I can't
find her. I think I see her but yet, she isn't by my side. I think
I miss her, but again, I'm not sure. I don't think I'm sure of anything
anymore.
Once, a long time ago I was a strong,
hard-working man; husband, father and friend. What am I now? The shell of what used to be. I exist but I do not live. My day consists of being bathed, changed,
fed; everything that I used to do on my own is now done for me. My mind
won't let me do anything. My body is shutting down. I am completely dependent on others for even
the simplest of tasks.
I believe if my mind would let me, I would
be utterly humiliated by all this; but my mind is know where to be found.
Words don't come, thoughts don't make sense and the faces of those who
smile down at me aren't familiar. I know they belong to me but I have no
idea who they are.
This life is not something that I would
have chosen for me. Those little slices of thought that I can grab onto
are heartbreaking. There is only one thing that I do know, and whenever
I'm asked I can answer. Just that one question, nothing more.
My name is Richard.
For this I do know................
Saturday, December 12, 2015
A wife's rant
Although this isn't the blog I had intended to post right now, I decided to go ahead and share this with all of you. I wrote this over a month ago; but never late than never. The post that I had spoken about is on its way any day now. Thank you for reading my words and for encouraging me to continue. Enjoy..
It's a bittersweet day for us today. Today marks the end of my husbands eight-year journey with Walgreen's. For Matt it has been a rewarding and extremely frustrating journey.
This blog is my take on that voyage. One that we have taken, in part, together.
These are my thoughts, observations and feelings. I'm happy, sad, angry and frightened all at the same time. To say that this has been a roller coaster ride is an understatement.
Matt and I have meet some of the finest people that I could have ever hoped to meet. For that I am so grateful.
So, before we take our first steps with our new company, M.O.M. Refinishing, I need to get a few things off my chest.
I don't coddle my husband: I used to. No more. Oh,I do if he is sick or sad or feeling down, but not just to make him feel better when it's not warranted. This is by no means a blog to stroke my husband's ego. Did I say stroke? Oh wait, that's for another blog of an entirely different subject matter. But I digress..
This whole eight-year trip with all it's ups and downs has hit me in the gut pretty hard and has for some time.
Matt will tell you, for the past seven years I will be the first person to tell him if he is wrong, being an ass or just plain dropping the ball. I'm also the first person to tell him when he has made me prouder than I have ever been of him for turning himself around from something he thought he was to the man he was all along and just didn't know it.
For many years my husband worked for, and eventually ran his families business in the industrial painting and refinishing field. . He worked his way up through the company starting with cleaning toilets and sweeping floors; as it should be and eventually inherited the company when his dad passed away and he was, in my opinion, a bully.
It was after the death of my husband's family and the business had to close that the metamorphosis of Matt's leadership style started. Slowly at first, but then with a force that could not be reckoned with.
When Matt arrived at Walgreen's I believe he had finally found his home away from refinishing. He saw first had, away from his family, in a much larger company, the harm that an iron fist leadership can do to moral, confidence in your staff and loyalty of your workers. It kills productivity. You want respect, you have to earn it, you can't demand it.
Out with the old and in with the new.
Matt did well and started training many new hires; many of which would became managers over the years. All the while we waited with high hopes for his turn. And wait we did.
It became kind of a joke for us to discuss how many new managers my husband had hired and trained and how often they would call him for advice or how to do an actual job at their new store. The best was when one such new MANAGER called and asked how to do payroll. You gotta love it. It was funny at first, but not so later on when store after store went to someone else.
But when a store was in trouble, who did they call, they called Matt. My husband could go into any store and turn it around like no other.
Then his health took a turn for the worse. Bypass surgery in 2009. Matt recovered and back to work. He took it slow but he did his duties and slowly but surely he was as good as new.
More promotions, still we waited, still he was passed over.
We talked and discussed his options and it was decided that he should ask for a meeting with the big guy. Find out where his future was headed. The meeting was set, hands were shook and he was professionally patronized; told how it isn't easy to wait, but wait he must. Climbing the ladder takes time.
With this Matt pointed out that he had trained several of the new manager over the last several years. What you say, you did? Ohhhhh , he also pointed out the stores he was sent into to turn around and the list goes on and on. More patronizing gibberish, another handshake and off he went.
If he wasn't promoted because of his heart issues tell me then why was it ok for him to unload trucks in 90+degree heat, snow storms and rain storms. 20 degree days with wind chills of below zero?
You have no idea what this man did in and for his stores that went above and beyond,
You dropped the ball with this one Walgreen's. I don't know the ins and outs of promotions and the like. But I do know you lost one hell of an asset to your company.
The people of Point Pleasant knew what you had and they voiced it when he left the Point Pleasant store. And when he came back, it came back as did the moral of the store. What a coincidence.
He worked just as hard as his staff, even harder. Never asked anyone to do something he wouldn't. Got his hands dirty. He was a hands-on boss, someone his staff was proud to work hard for.
Matt gave everything to you and you in turn gave nothing back. Yes, he did his job and you paid him his salary. He went above and beyond and you never bothered to see, to notice when he was sent to a store and numbers went up, complaints went down. Cleaner, happier, moral was up and not down.
To Matt's staff in each and every store that cried; and I mean literally cried when he left because he was one of the only bosses they could go to for ANYTHING, he actually cared. He was tough and fair and always listened to what they had to say. He couldn't always help them but he always tried.
To the employee that he sent to the ER when he found out she was ill but too afraid to go to the Manger because she was such a bully. Did Matt complain about this Manager, yup. Did it help. Nope. PC at its finest.
Men and women, old and young, it didn't matter. Every single store he went to he gained the respect of the staff and customers alike. Oh there were some Managers that didn't like Matt. You see, for Matt, political correctness went our the door if it didn't mean being fair across the board. He didn't care if you were white, black, Asian, Mexican, or martian. Straight, lesbian or gay; do I need to add transgender now so as not to offend or leave anyone out? If you were given a job you were expected to do it. If you were a Manager you were expected to follow the rules, be consistent across the board and if you had an agenda, leave it at the door. If you thought you were above it, you were mistaken. And if for some reason you were Matt's superior and you felt you were owed something because of any of the above, you were wrong.
From his own experience from years ago, bullies were put in their place and reported and hopefully dealt with. Period. Mind you, he tried to deal with the "victim" Managers. The ones who had to prove something to themselves. If that didn't work, then and only then on very rare occasions did Matt go higher up. If it meant the crew, the worker bees were being mistreated because of some over zealous yahoo, he went to the mat for them and they knew it.
Life isn't fair. I don't expect it to be. I don't expect to be handed things gratuitously. I would hope though that when something is earned so many times over it would be noticed and rewarded as such.
I guess Matt just didn't kiss the right ass.
Rant over.
His new life starts now.
It's a bittersweet day for us today. Today marks the end of my husbands eight-year journey with Walgreen's. For Matt it has been a rewarding and extremely frustrating journey.
This blog is my take on that voyage. One that we have taken, in part, together.
These are my thoughts, observations and feelings. I'm happy, sad, angry and frightened all at the same time. To say that this has been a roller coaster ride is an understatement.
Matt and I have meet some of the finest people that I could have ever hoped to meet. For that I am so grateful.
So, before we take our first steps with our new company, M.O.M. Refinishing, I need to get a few things off my chest.
I don't coddle my husband: I used to. No more. Oh,I do if he is sick or sad or feeling down, but not just to make him feel better when it's not warranted. This is by no means a blog to stroke my husband's ego. Did I say stroke? Oh wait, that's for another blog of an entirely different subject matter. But I digress..
This whole eight-year trip with all it's ups and downs has hit me in the gut pretty hard and has for some time.
Matt will tell you, for the past seven years I will be the first person to tell him if he is wrong, being an ass or just plain dropping the ball. I'm also the first person to tell him when he has made me prouder than I have ever been of him for turning himself around from something he thought he was to the man he was all along and just didn't know it.
For many years my husband worked for, and eventually ran his families business in the industrial painting and refinishing field. . He worked his way up through the company starting with cleaning toilets and sweeping floors; as it should be and eventually inherited the company when his dad passed away and he was, in my opinion, a bully.
It was after the death of my husband's family and the business had to close that the metamorphosis of Matt's leadership style started. Slowly at first, but then with a force that could not be reckoned with.
When Matt arrived at Walgreen's I believe he had finally found his home away from refinishing. He saw first had, away from his family, in a much larger company, the harm that an iron fist leadership can do to moral, confidence in your staff and loyalty of your workers. It kills productivity. You want respect, you have to earn it, you can't demand it.
Out with the old and in with the new.
Matt did well and started training many new hires; many of which would became managers over the years. All the while we waited with high hopes for his turn. And wait we did.
It became kind of a joke for us to discuss how many new managers my husband had hired and trained and how often they would call him for advice or how to do an actual job at their new store. The best was when one such new MANAGER called and asked how to do payroll. You gotta love it. It was funny at first, but not so later on when store after store went to someone else.
But when a store was in trouble, who did they call, they called Matt. My husband could go into any store and turn it around like no other.
Then his health took a turn for the worse. Bypass surgery in 2009. Matt recovered and back to work. He took it slow but he did his duties and slowly but surely he was as good as new.
More promotions, still we waited, still he was passed over.
We talked and discussed his options and it was decided that he should ask for a meeting with the big guy. Find out where his future was headed. The meeting was set, hands were shook and he was professionally patronized; told how it isn't easy to wait, but wait he must. Climbing the ladder takes time.
With this Matt pointed out that he had trained several of the new manager over the last several years. What you say, you did? Ohhhhh , he also pointed out the stores he was sent into to turn around and the list goes on and on. More patronizing gibberish, another handshake and off he went.
If he wasn't promoted because of his heart issues tell me then why was it ok for him to unload trucks in 90+degree heat, snow storms and rain storms. 20 degree days with wind chills of below zero?
You have no idea what this man did in and for his stores that went above and beyond,
You dropped the ball with this one Walgreen's. I don't know the ins and outs of promotions and the like. But I do know you lost one hell of an asset to your company.
The people of Point Pleasant knew what you had and they voiced it when he left the Point Pleasant store. And when he came back, it came back as did the moral of the store. What a coincidence.
He worked just as hard as his staff, even harder. Never asked anyone to do something he wouldn't. Got his hands dirty. He was a hands-on boss, someone his staff was proud to work hard for.
Matt gave everything to you and you in turn gave nothing back. Yes, he did his job and you paid him his salary. He went above and beyond and you never bothered to see, to notice when he was sent to a store and numbers went up, complaints went down. Cleaner, happier, moral was up and not down.
To Matt's staff in each and every store that cried; and I mean literally cried when he left because he was one of the only bosses they could go to for ANYTHING, he actually cared. He was tough and fair and always listened to what they had to say. He couldn't always help them but he always tried.
To the employee that he sent to the ER when he found out she was ill but too afraid to go to the Manger because she was such a bully. Did Matt complain about this Manager, yup. Did it help. Nope. PC at its finest.
Men and women, old and young, it didn't matter. Every single store he went to he gained the respect of the staff and customers alike. Oh there were some Managers that didn't like Matt. You see, for Matt, political correctness went our the door if it didn't mean being fair across the board. He didn't care if you were white, black, Asian, Mexican, or martian. Straight, lesbian or gay; do I need to add transgender now so as not to offend or leave anyone out? If you were given a job you were expected to do it. If you were a Manager you were expected to follow the rules, be consistent across the board and if you had an agenda, leave it at the door. If you thought you were above it, you were mistaken. And if for some reason you were Matt's superior and you felt you were owed something because of any of the above, you were wrong.
From his own experience from years ago, bullies were put in their place and reported and hopefully dealt with. Period. Mind you, he tried to deal with the "victim" Managers. The ones who had to prove something to themselves. If that didn't work, then and only then on very rare occasions did Matt go higher up. If it meant the crew, the worker bees were being mistreated because of some over zealous yahoo, he went to the mat for them and they knew it.
Life isn't fair. I don't expect it to be. I don't expect to be handed things gratuitously. I would hope though that when something is earned so many times over it would be noticed and rewarded as such.
I guess Matt just didn't kiss the right ass.
Rant over.
His new life starts now.
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