As if I didn’t’ have enough on my plate being a single parent and in a new relationship, the thought of being intimate with a man was beyond frightening to me. I was a young woman and figured I’d be celibate the rest of my life.
As you might remember, when I left my first husband I was as frigid as you can get, and my fear radiated from my body like a beacon.
It isn't the easiest thing to talk about with a new propective lover. "Hello, I want to be with you but, well, I'm as frigid as an polar bear's balls on an iceberg."
I don't think so.
Thankfully, Matt was the perfect gentlemen. He knew not to rush me into something that I really wasn’t ready for. The thought of having sex with someone, even Matt scared me to a point where even if I did consent to it, I was sure that he would be so disappointed with my performance that he would just get out of the bed, laugh and leave.
I am not saying that we didn’t get physical; we got pretty hot and heavy in his car. Jesus Lord, I was a grown woman with two children and I was making out in my boyfriend’s car. We were acting like a bunch of high school lovers. Oh wait, lovers go all the way, we did not. If Matt minded or felt unsatisfied in any way, he never let on, which I thought was pretty special.
It didn’t help the fact that I had never really enjoyed sex like I later found out that you should. My introduction to sex had been way too early and the sex after that was more out of fear or just going through the motions, without any of the passion or closeness that I believe I must have needed to have satisfying sex.
One evening after about three months of being together, we were in the car driving around and, for whatever reason, it hit us both at the same time. Call it pent up sexual frustrations if you like, but we looked at each other and decided without speaking that we needed to have sex and we needed it now. It was so comical. Matt pulled up to the beach and we started to get all touchy/feely and as great as it was, we were like animals. We were like sharks in a feeding frenzy. It was hysterical; like we were going to die if we didn’t “get it”.
Matt decided that the car was not the place for us to consummate our relationship so off we go, all sweaty, trying to find a hotel room. Alas, it was not in the cards to happen that night, no one had any rooms available. So we did the next best thing. We planned for the following Saturday night to be the night that we would bring our relationship to the next level.
Our plan was to go to the Barber Shop for some drinks, relax and unwind before our big evening. Although it was something that I really wanted, I was still scared to death that I was going to suck at it. Figuratively that is. .
It was that night that Matt gave me my first shot of Sambuca. The entire time we were there all that was on our minds was that we were going to finally be together. It’s funny, I make it sound like we had been together for years and never had the chance to be intimate. It seemed like forever to me. I had not had sex for quite a while, and before that the sex that I had was more like the House of Horrors.
Matt had been in a serious relationship with a girl after high school, but that didn’t work out, and that had been a very painful time for him. He dated, but Matt was not one to jump into bed with a woman on the first date. It was just not something that he thought was the thing to do. What a gentleman.
Anyway, I had not realized that Matt had already gotten us a room. It was a hotel right down the street from the bar; convenient location don’t you think? We said our good buys and left our friends and off we went to what I was hoping was not a huge mistake on my part.
I had tried to dress sexy for him. I had on my best pair of pants and silky blouse, and under that I had on a camisole. I was so afraid that he would be disappointed that I tried everything I could think of to make myself more attractive for him. I just didn’t think I had what it took to keep him if he saw me as less than what I thought he deserved; a great looking woman who was an animal in bed. God what have I gotten myself into. I had been an animal in bed alright, a dead fish.
A thought crossed my mind for a brief moment. Insist he bring me home right then and there, break it off with him and remain alone a celibate for the rest of my life. That might be easier.
Well, I decided that this is something that I not only wanted to do, but I needed to for my own sanity. I needed to know that I could be desirable to a man. We got to the hotel, Matt came and got me out of the car and together we walked, arms wrapped around each other to our room. There was a bottle of Champagne in the ice bucket and a six pack of beer in the sink filled with ice.
Does my man know me or what?
When you are in a hotel room, knowing that you are there for sex, and you aren’t a hooker, it’s a bit awkward as to what to do first. I wanted him so badly, but didn’t want to appear to over anxious or like a slut, and at the same time I thought I was going to throw up because I was so nervous. That would have been lovely; nice way to set the mood, don’t’ you think.
Matt was perfect. He knew how anxious I was so he was careful not to go too fast or to seem too pushy. Ladies, this is what the first time should be like for everyone. He took control of the evening and with great patience and passion showed me what it was like to be with a man who loved me and who actually cared about what I wanted. It was wonderful.
And guess what, I was not frigid any longer. Our roll in the sheets lasted for over three hours. Oh my God, what have I been missing out on for so many years? Having sex with a man that you wanted to be with was so much more than just having sex with someone that said you should or with a man that you were afraid of. Who knew? Just because it takes me ten times longer to figure things out doesn’t necessarily mean that I don’t have much common sense, does it? Sure it does.
Well, as we were lying in bed, holding each other and both of us amazed at the passion that we just shared together, I had to go to the bathroom. Now, you have to understand, we had just spend three amazing hours romping around the sheets, being very uninhibited. So when I got up to use the facilities, Matt was a bit surprised when I pulled the comforter completely off the bed and wrapped it around myself before I would walk across the room to the bathroom. He propped himself up on the bed and with a look of amazement on his face, asked me what I was doing. I’m like; “I’m going to the bathroom.”
I had no idea what he meant. He said, “Nancy, we have just seen every inch of each other, why the comforter?” Was he kidding me? I was not about to walk across the room with no clothes on. That was just taking it too far. He had seen me naked lying down, but not standing up. That would take another few years before I graduated to that level of intimacy.
Shit, don’t rush me.
After an evening like that, considering what my sex life had been before that, it was hard not to walk around with the goofiest smile on my face. It is amazing what good sex can do for a woman’s self confidence. Matt was the first man who gave a shit about my needs.
Being in a healthy, intimate relationship was something new for me and I was loving every minute of it.
Matt and I would date for three years before he proposed.
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