Anthony, my youngest and most intense child

When Matt and I got married, we knew we wanted four children, total. So, when I got pregnant about a year later, we were thrilled. As fate would have it our excitement was short lived. I miscarried at three months.

It took two years of trying and then finally giving up before I conceived my third child.

On October 15, 1988 our son was born. The name Anthony, by definition means Priceless; which he was and still is.

It was Anthony who cemented the family. He was the bond that we needed to strengthen our little family.

As a child, he was sweet, kind and fun. He charmed everyone that he came into contact with.

On a cruise when he was about five years old, one of the cabin stewards told Matt and I that Anthony had been kissed by an angel. I have to agree.

He was popular with all the groups at school, didn’t care to be a follower, always followed what his heart told him was right:.

I’m not saying he never got into trouble, he did, but it was because he chose to do something, not someone making him do it.

One of Anthony’s finest qualities and the thing that I admired most about his was his refusal to let anyone be bullied.

Always ready to defend those who could not defend themselves. Sometimes he did it a bit out of the mainstream though. Matt and I were called in to see the Vice Principal and the guidance counselor in Ant’s senior year. It seems that a kid was really picking on a smaller boy in class and the teacher wasn’t doing anything about it. So, instead of Anthony going to the teacher and informing her that someone was being brow-beaten in the class right in front of her, he went up to the bully, poked him in the shoulder and told him if he didn’t stop picking on the boy, he would break his “fucking face”.

Not the way the school likes things done. It scared the teacher, but the bully left the kid alone, case closed.

Ant was called down to the office and told not to handle situations that way any more. When Matt and I got home, we told him what the Vice Principal had said and that maybe he was a bit intense, but that we could not be happier that he detested bullies and would stand up for anyone needing his help. I love that about him.

Being our youngest, Anthony was subjected to various forms of torture at the hands of his older brother growing up. While Shayne thought he was being funny, Anthony took it as bullying.

It would be a long time

This child hated school like no one I have ever known. Not like Shayne did, more so. He pretty much saw it as a waste of his time. His teachers either loved him or hated him. There was no in between there. This is where Anthony sometimes refused to take responsibility for actions and decisions that he made. It was the teacher’s fault, almost always. I could not seem to break through that feeling that he had. Maybe deep down he knew, but if he did, he never let on.

His teachers told him that he should consider a profession as a lawyer, and they meant it. Anthony can argue almost any topic, and win. He has a wit and dry sense of humor, along with a very analytical mind. He has a good mind and a very different way of looking at things.

He is, at times, way too deep for his own good.

After 9/11 Anthony changed. He was 13 at the time. A tough age to be anyway, and then for that to happen, it just really had an impact on him that would change the way he looked at the world and the people around him.

Anthony was my news watcher long before 9/11. He could have a very intelligent conversation about world events with any adult; he knew what was going on and he had facts; and opinions.

When our entire nation was rocked to its foundation, no one knowing what the hell was happening to us as a country and his brother in Japan at the time made if very stressful for him.

Besides watching almost as much news as Matt and I to try to figure out what was going on, he spent a great deal of his time trying to come up with ways of defeating Al Qaeda. One of the plans that he had was to airlift hungry bears into the hills of Afghanistan. The bears would infiltrate the caves and eat the Al Qaeda that were hiding there.

He was dead serious about this and convinced it would have solved the problem of finding all the hiding places that the terrorists had.

He asked me to write a letter to President Bush (which I did) to let him know of this idea. Hey, you never know, it might have worked.

Ant tried to cope as well as he could. His fear for our country and his wanting to go after and punish all those responsible, along with the anxiety of not knowing what was going to happen to his brother; if he would be shipped to Afghanistan or what, was almost more than he could handle.

It turned out that Shayne did not go to Afghanistan, he was ordered to go Kuwait for the 45 day waiting period before we went into Iraq. That waiting was almost as bad as when he finally went in during Shock and Awe.

As I said before, Anthony was at a bad age for this to happen, and with his brother now in harms way,it was tough. True to form, he handled it like he handled everything. He kept it all inside; never letting on how distressed he was. The family knew, and we tried to do what could for him, but he just does not share feelings easily, he still doesn’t.

Ant’s guidance counselor was great. She realized how stressed Anthony was, and at school, there was no one that could relate with him on what he was feeling. He was the only one with a brother or sister over there. So, she gave him a pass to use to go to her office if he ever felt the need to just vent.

Anthony was sure he would never use that pass, but kept it in with him to please me. Well, everyone has a breaking point. Anthony is no different. He just lost it one day. All the fears that he had just came flowing out. Would his brother survive, would we be attached again, if so, from where? It was constant. He used that pass and I am so grateful that he did. He was able to get it out, without getting into trouble or being told to calm down. He felt better when it was over. Still fearful, but that bottled up tension was released and he could breath normally once again; at least for a short while anyway.

A year after the attacks Matt approached Anthony and asked if he wanted to go into the city for the car show. Anthony, Matt and Shayne had done that before and Matt thought that it might take his mind off his worries. Anthony’s response to that was he didn’t want to be in a glass building when a plane crashed into it.
It would be years before Anthony went into the city again.

Anthony can be a very determined young man. About six or seven years ago you couldn’t get him off his computer, and I'm sorry to say that with the problems that Matt and I were going through, Ant fell through the cracks.

We were so wrapped up in our problems that we didn't insist he get off the computer, or interact with him as we should have. That's one more thing I don't think I can forgive myself for.

Determined as he can be, one day he looked in the mirror, decided he was gaining too much weight from just sitting in front of that damned computer and decided that wouldn’t do. He got off the computer, put himself on a diet, and has lost over fifty pounds.

That weight came off in less than a year.

Antsant, as his friends call him, got into BMX biking. So when Ant wasn't working, he was on his bike. Sometimes riding where he didn't belong, but riding all over the place. If he and his friend could find walls, stairs or anything that they could jump, ride or whatever it is that they do, they were there.

It is bike riding that got him back into New York. It seems that there are some great places to go where you don’t get in trouble by the police for being there with your bike.

Is there a party tonight or what? This was my party child. Although he is a loner by nature, he has come to realize that parties can be fun. He loves to drink and he loves the girls. What a wonderful combination. I do admire him in that if he doesn’t want to be around anyone, he doesn’t care what is going on. He doesn’t need to be at the party to be happy; only if he wants to be there.

You can’t force Ant to do anything he doesn’t want to do. He is the definition of stubborn. Again, I say, he is his father in every sense of the word.

God help us all.

This child hates authority like no one I have ever seen, so when he made the decision to enlist in the Marines, we were very excited but somewhat surprised.

We had always known that a part of Anthony wanted to follow in his brother's footsteps but it wasn't until he himself wanted it, just for him, that he enlisted.
Anthony, now a Corporal in his third year with the Corp is looking to his future and what he wants to do with the rest of his life is finding

When Anthony was deployed to Afghanistan for eight months, it was awful; almost worse then when Shayne was in Iraq. The reason being that when the war started, it was on every channel. That is not the case now. You get little to no reporting. I just don't know what was worse.

As I had said before, Anthony keeps his feelings and thoughts within him, so when he opens up and starts to talk, I shut up and listen.

It was on his leave home before his deployment that one of these talks took place. Standing in our kitchen making dinner, Ant came out and proceeded to tell me what his wishes were if he didn't make it home.

By far, that was the most difficult conversation I have ever had with any of my children. To stay quiet and listen as my youngest explained to me in detail how his remains were to be handled and so forth.

Needless to say, when he left the room, I broke down.

As difficult as that was; I was overwhelmed with awe at his sense of calm while discussing such a sad and taboo subject; one's own mortality.

The chip that my youngest child carries around is what he calls the Santa Lucia curse. We have had some very bad luck, some of it random and some of it brought on by mistakes or bad choices that we have made. Trying to tell him that there are people who have it so much worse than us is useless, for now anyway. That will change with age I hope.

He can make me laugh so hard when he knows I am down. And when I think that he doesn’t care, he comes out with a comment or statement that has me in tears because it was so sensitive and caring, and just not what I had expected to come out of that mouth of his.

On the other hand, he can be as short and curt as anyone I know. He can be, by far, the most in-your-face, intense person that I know. That is another thing that I hope changes for his own good. His fuse is short and his patience is even shorter.

Not a good combination.

Life is what you make it and bad things happen to people, to everyone, not just us. I wish he could see the despair and heartache that some people have, without any family or friends to be there for them.

With all that said, he is going to make it in life, regardless of what he thinks. For that I am sure. He has what it takes.

With Anthony being ten years younger than Shayne and Brittany, it hasn't always been easy for him. Especially with all that my family has been through; but Anthony has come through it a little beaten up, a little cynical but whole.

Anthony is a fierce friend, strong defender of the family and a lover of his country.

His relationship with Shayne and Brittany is strong and the years that seperate them seems to be getting smaller and smaller; as it always seems to do.

He will do well in whatever the future holds for him; his determination and strong competitive nature won't allow for anything else.

If only he could see that his glass is half full instead of half empty...