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I WILL BE BLOGGING AGAIN SOON.


Tatas and Mr. Happy

So for any of you who have been living under a rock or who haven't read my blog in a while, our family is preparing for a wedding.

Our oldest son is taking the plunge in April.

This can mean only one thing. My descent into the world of glamor, fashion and breasts. Yes, I said breasts. A woman can't possibly be sexy without her breasts showing in some way, shape or form. Can she?

Odd choice of word; shape. Mine have taken on a shape all their own. No firm, round melons for me; no sir. Mine are more of the free-form type. Oh, I'm not saying that older, more mature breasts can't be attractive; I'm just saying it makes it harder to keep them where they belong.

We lay on our backs and they go to the side making even the most full-breasted woman appear flat. Lean over our man and they could cause serious harm if set into motion. Standing with our back erect and in a bra is the best way to go. Fake perky.

Now, the dress that I purchased for the wedding shows some cleavage. I simply could not get a dress that didn't. I mean really, the mother of the bride is a gorgeous and sexy woman, who will be in a sleeveless dress with peep toes shoes. I can't wear sleeveless as my arms look like hams and my feet look like hooves. There you have it.

Back to the dress, the trick there is getting a bra that is low enough so as not to show, yet strong enough to keep these girls up where they belong and not jiggling around like a cup of jello.

It's a must that a trip to the bra and girdle factory is in my future. I go straight to the industrial sized section. No cute little bras for me. Large, mega clasps and heavy; with steel reinforcements, of course.

Feel the seduction...................

Why my preoccupation with breasts? Isn't it our breasts that define us as women? Don't all women love that men love our tatas. Oh, legs and butts get their share of attention.... but tits.....that's where it's at.

Since my high school days that's how it has been for me. Picture this, seventh grade and a group of my male classmates are standing on the other side of the room. I hear my name, glance over to see all these boys staring at me. I was in heaven... they wanted me I was sure of it. As I walked over wondering which one of these 13-year old wants to ask me out my heart was pounding. I was very shy but ready to take one of them on. I didn't care which one it was, I wanted a boy friend.

What came out of the ring-leaders mouth will stick with me forever. "Hey Nancy, we just wanted to see you bounce."

If there had been a hole I would have crawled into it. I mean really. Aghhhhhhhh

The ladies that I work with were discussing the finer points of our mammary glands and, of course, my dress, when I asked the one guy in the kitchen his opinion on the subject. Did it matter to him if the breasts in question were fake or real, and did he know if fake ones felt the same.

I was convinced of his answer before he opened his mouth. There was no doubt in my mind of what his thoughts were. I know these things..Of course men wanted the real thing. That was a no brainer. Sagging, maybe not; but real none the less.

Men loved their women and wanted the real deal.

WRONG. His response was, "real or fake, we want them big and firm". Good God what had I been thinking? I wasn't, that's the problem. But it did give me cause to think.


If breasts were so important to men, what about the penis for women? I think it's safe to say that women like that particular part of a man's anatomy as much as men like our tunas.

Why can women prance around showing as much breast as possible and men can completely conceal their privates? That doesn't seem fair to me. Men can scope out the women's assets while the lady is left in the dark until they become intimate.

It's not like a woman can go grabbing at men's crotches to feel what he has. That would be going way to far even for me.

Go to any beach and you see little bodies in little bathing suits showing off all their goodies. Or, older women trying desperately to look younger and showing as much breast as they possibly can without hurting themselves.

Since speedo's aren't very popular these days, swim trunks have taken center stage. Granted, guys look cute in them, but you simply can't tell what's in there. There is no way to see what a man is packing in those shorts. Chests on the men, yes; but that's all we get to see. Bummer.

Why was their junk more important to conceal then our girls? It's because in this instance, men are smarter. Don't' reveal what I have until the woman is hooked on my charm and wit.

Then they drop the bomb, or their pants if you will. By that time it's too late. Small or large, erect or placid what can we do?

Can we really dump a guy that we already like because his privates aren't good enough? Where is the justice in that?

There isn't any, that's all I'm saying.

So, back to my dress. I am sure that I will look very pretty in my dress aging breasts and all. As a 54 year old woman who is finally realizing that she is aging and not a young girl any longer; I'm still goofy, naive and flaky, but my body has decided it's time to grow up.

I don't think I'm going to like this thing called....growing up and older.