EULOGY FOR MY HUSBAND

First I'd like to thank everyone for coming today to celebrate Matt's life. He was loved and cared for by so many.  I wish that Matt had known his worth long before he did. He was a complicated, complex, man for a very long time.  Family saw it, others didn't,  which is the way it should be i guess. I always knew what kind of man he was, a good, strong , kind man.  I'm sorry it took him so long to see it for himself.  

During those years if the kids had to share something, ask something or admit to something I always got the phone call first.  If they wanted to ask their dad a question, they called me first as well.  What kind of mood is he in, shoukd we ask now or wait? I gave them my best advice and I always  reminded the kids that whatever the question was, that dad was going to say no. Which he always did. Then, more often then not he would stop, think about it and say, sure, yes why not.  

But for all the years he was struggling,  he had moments of pure compassion, kindness and empathy. Which was the real man. Those memories are etched in my mind. I would want to shake him and say" this is who you are, can't you see, not that angry loner. " 

Some of his early moments that stick out for me was when shayne was playing baseball for the school. He was ok but he was convinced if he had this special bat he could do better.  It cost 105.00 and that was a lot then. Well unbenost to me Matt showed up to the next game with that bat for Shayne. The look on both their faces will always be with me. I honestly don't know who was happier. Shayne or Matt. Pure joy of appreciation and acceptance on both of their faces.   

Another was with Brittany. Brittany always loved old cars, specifically Subirbans. And she always wanted to learn how to repair them. So she asked her father to teach her. Absolutely I will help and teach you. He showed her everything he knew. It was such a happy time for him. And for Brittany. On one such occasion working on Brittany's old surban with her, he got the step ladder out, climbed up and proceeded to get into it. I will never the forget the sight of my husband, legs stiking straight out of the motor explaining to Brittany how to do something, so serious.  It was hysterical. His passion was real. They spent many days under the hood of that truck.  He taught her much.  

Anthony. For dad, watching you play soccer was a highlight of his weekends.  He was so proud of you and how determined and serious you took it. And then watching you with your BMX bike.  Pride swelled from him watching you.  But one of the proudest dad was of you when you were young was when a picture of you surfaced from your 8th grade trip.you were the only student in the picture with their hand over your heart during either the flag raising or national anthem. That one made him tear up. At some point in your lives you three have all frustrated, angered, and delighted him.. 

Brittany. When you ran your own company and how you raised Madison. Shayne, Anthony when you both jointled the Marines. He loved you all so much. 

Now, I don't think anyone doesn't know this but when Matt married me I had two small children. Shayne and Brittany. He didn't just marry me, he married all three if us.  It wasn't always easy but the love was there, always. After we had Anthony, never, ever did he not see all three of his children as the same, his. 

It wasnt easy for Matt to articulate his feelings though. But one time Matt and I went to dinner at a local bar that was changing ownership. We were sitting with the outgoing owners, and every time they were bought a drink, so were Matt and I. Matt was drinking martinis. Then to the Moby Dick for more. We got driven home, I wentto the house to get the kids to help me get their dad in the  and in bed. All he kept saying in that drunk, emotional voice. Was. "I LOVE YOU GIYS. IM SORRY I DONT SAY IT ENOUGH" It was so sweet and so funny at the same time.  

And then, as Matt started to age I could see the anger and self doubt start to strip away.  It was a slow process but one day Matt called me at work, crying. He said, Nancy the kids are calling me now and not you.  It was a profound moment for him.  From there it was all up hill. Matt's coat of protecting armor melted and the true man came out. 

He was an amazing father, husband, poppop and friend. He smiled and laughed openly, a lot for the first time in a long time. 

Then came the grandchildren. To say he he adored them would be an inderstatement. 

Madison, our oldest grandchild has been nothing but an absolute joy. We got to watch her grow up as Brittany worked nights.  When Matt used to be grumpy, a lot and Madison wanted to talk to him, she would get a red and white peppermint candy, go into the bedroom where Matt was watching TV and offer him a grumpy pill. It always made him smile. She held his heart and could always turn his mood. Years later as Matts health failed and he could no longer work, he was home more often. I'll never forget getting a call from him asking me, guess who I had lunch with today?  He sounded so excited. He said Madison and I went to Ikko. He sounded like a young boy on Christmas morning . He couldnt believe that she wanted to go with him, just him. It became a thing for them. He loved those moments.  Your work ethic,  which your mama taught you, your dedication to your school work. You push yourself so hard in everything you do and he was so proud of you for it. Your loyalty as a friend amazed him. Poppop adored you Madison. I hope you know that. He lit up when ever you were together.  

And then came Olivia, Mia and Brantley.  The little ones as pop called them. 

Some of dad's favorite memories were Olivia Christmas tree shopping with us and then lunch.  Cooking with us on holidays in her apron and chefs hat. 

Mia and her amazing hugs. Staring endlessly with popop at his fish tank. When shown the sonogram of her brother Brandly she wanted to know where the blood and bones were.  Daddy couldn't get over that. 

And then came Brantley Matthew.  My gosh, when Brantley was born dad was convinced he didn't like him.  He couldn't have been more wrong.  The child adored his poppop. I showed up at the door before Matt did as Matt was walking slower then and Brantley ran by me, where's poppop?? Shayne was laughing but mortified. SAY HI TO NANA..  When pop was around I was invisible.  And that was fine.

AND then there was Myrtle Beach. It was our safe place. Quiet, calm with just the pool, ocean and balcony.and Lulus. Our friends Ruth and John and Toni and Dan would join us. We had such good times there.  It was our happy place. When Matt started to deteriorate this year, he made me promise to continue to go the Second week in Sept. I promised.  I don't think I'm going to be able to keep that promise though.  

He loved his friends, his neice, nephews, and his many coworkers.  

At the end I know my children and I made the right decision. Matt and I had spoken often about it last year. He just was so tired. But the selfish part knows he will never hold my hand again. Never kiss my head after a long day at work and tell me that I'll be fine. That I've got it. Fall evenings sitting in the open garage with a cigar waiting for me to come home. The Broadway at noon Sundays chatting with Linda and Sue. Half Moon sharing stories with Carolyn.  We had a good life together with all its ups and downs.  

God speed  my dear. You are walking tall and without pain now.  I love you.